Tom’s Blog

Camping In New Zealand

Posted on by Tom

Camping in New Zealand can be a pretty hit-and-miss affair. Until arrival of the international tourist in hired motor-homes, campers and the like, the Kiwi camp-site was a pretty rudimentary affair. Either the tent pitched in a paddock or (luxury) a little shed with bunk-beds in it for the lucky family that could afford to avoid the dubious comforts of canvas. These were supplemented by communal kitchens, barbecues and spartan ablution blocks where hot water was for softies – harden up! The swimming pool was actually a swimming hole – in the river, complete with a car tyre on the end of a rope.

Move on 20-years and the camping heritage is still very much in evidence albeit with attempts to modernise the facilities – some more successful than others. The old Kiwi ‘she’ll do’ attitude still prevails though, especially in rural areas. Hot showers are still considered a luxury that have to be paid for through little slot machines. Your dollar produces a ration that’s meted out over six minutes or so. So get a move-on or it’ll go cold on you. Soft tourist!

The Department Of Conservation does its best to keep the old camping traditions alive though. A network of, generally, the most basic of sites covers the country from top to bottom. Facilities? Pah! Enjoy the ‘long drop’ dunny. For the uninitiated the long drop is a unique New Zealand treasure maintained in this modern age to delight green eco-warriors, urban conservationists and cheapskates. It’s a hole in the ground to shit in. Pure joy. Amuse your friends back in suburban Munich with photo’s of this Kiwi icon.

Camping cheapskates and anally retentive travellers are exceptionally well catered for in New Zealand. The government (bless) has gone to great lengths to promote Freedom Camping. The basic premise of Freedom Camping is that everything should be held in, retained. Not a drop or a morsel should escape. And not a cent will be spent of course. In practice a vehicle must be able to hold all the water that two people are deemed need for 3-days (25 litres for 2 people!) and all the waste they produce – yes all of it. Not a drop of washing water must touch the sacred ground. All your piss, shit and trash must be carried around in your vehicle until you can find a ‘dump station’. Well there’s lovely for you. I think that a careful study of the work of Sigmund Freud went into this one.

Freedom camping has proved to be enormously popular with cheap tourists and cheapskate locals alike. For the minor inconvenience of not having enough water to wash with and a vehicle full of bodily waste, they get to camp for free. They do this by finding designated Freedom Camping sites that they share with other grubby cheapskates. I guess (because I’ve never used one) that they swap ideas for saving even more money on the free and discounted activities these people will ferret out to impress each other with. More about freedom camping another time.

Freedom Camping New Zealand

Posted on by Tom

You do have to feel sorry for the young people on a road trip who just want to park up somewhere quiet for a sleep in their car. Many of us took it for granted in the past that we could save money for good times by doing this. We didn’t have much and saving on accommodation made the trip possible. And there really was a great sense of freedom on the road with few restrictions. Not so much now though. So where did the free in freedom camping New Zealand go?

Modern times demand that our lives are subject to more and more regulations. We can’t, it seems, be trusted to live our lives responsibly and decently without being regulated and corralled to limit our opportunities. Fun? Forget that. One person’s fun in this day and age is another person’s opportunity to feel disrespected, offended, insulted, outraged even. How dare these people…?

Which brings us to Freedom Camping. Is it the word freedom that’s so challenging to today’s politicos and bureaucrats? Is it the very idea of the unfettered citizen that challenges and frightens them? Freedom used to be something that people fought for. Many of us had relatives who fought and died for freedoms that we take for granted now. Freedoms it seems we are happy to sacrifice for order and control.

Freedom Camping seems to be very much a New Zealand thing. Not that it’s totally unique to this country. There is a UK organisation called the Freedom Camping Club (‘a club for people, run by people’. So not Planet Of The Apes then – phew!). Membership is free of course. The aim of this organisation seems to be to identify the cheapest places to pitch your tent and enjoy a ‘people’s’ holiday. Sounds like huge fun for Marxists.

The difference between the two models is that, whereas in the UK ‘freedom’ means identifying the cheapest camp sites, in New Zealand freedom actually means camping free of charge. You could say it’s a different level of cheapskate altogether. In New Zealand freedom camping has actually been codified and legislated. The Freedom Camping Act sets out the legal rights and responsibilities of the freedom camper. There are many regulations, there are many restraints there are expensive penalties for not obeying the rules of course. Oh, and you have to turn your car or camper into a mobile toilet and pay for a very expensive blue sticker. More on that another time.

freedom-camping

The Freedom Camping Act is an oxymoron of course. There’s nothing free about it. No freedom to camp on a whim. A $200 fine for parking in the wrong spot is expensive, not free. The Act came about because of the whinging and moaning about unsightly young people making a mess. Not all young people made a mess of course, just as not all young people litter. But it did give a wonderful opportunity to extend regulation and control. And not to forget, more revenue gathering.

And of course, freedom camping is not all about young people. The Act doesn’t exclude others who wish or need to use the freedom of the road (apologies for another oxymoron). So who are these Freedom Campers?

Freedom Campers

Posted on by Tom

New Zealand’s Freedom Camping Act has created a whole new class of people to regulate and control: Freedom Campers. So who are they? Quite a diverse group it seems.

Young People

Whether they be locals or international tourists, a road trip is almost a right of passage for young people of university age. It’s not a new phenomenon either. But it is one that many oldies complain about: they’re scruffy and unruly, their vehicles are unsightly, they leave a mess, they steal and so on. But many of these miserable old buggers forget that they once queued to see Easy Rider at the cinema and dreamed of life on the road. Many of the whining old bastards even did a bit of freedom camping themselves in their younger days and relished the experience. Of course, they’ll say: ‘but we did it responsibly’. Yeah right. None of you oldies were ever unsightly, unruly, drove old dungers or littered.

Retired Elderly

With nothing better to do, thousands of retired Kiwis hit the road in their RV’s, converted delivery trucks and house buses. Their vehicles, often old retired Japanese buses, are an impediment to other road users as they chug along belching black smoke. We sit behind them choking on the fumes and trying to work out on what planet the mottos these people adorn their travelling hovels with would be considered amusing: ‘Not Dunroamin’, ‘Grouse Inn’, ‘Adventure Before Dementia’, ‘I keep no cash on this bus – I’m married’. And so on ad nauseum.

Cheapskate Campers

These can include the retired elderly of course but are generally just people who could afford to pay their way but won’t if they can get away with it. There are thousands of cheapskate campers, many displaying a curious sticker with wings on either side of a red circle. You know who you are. The sticker denotes membership of a club that offers members: ‘…benefits including, but not limited to, discounts on services and products, free and low cost overnight sites…’

The Department Of Conservation has an extensive network of camp sites situated in some of the most beautiful parts of the country. The $8 per night charged at these is way too expensive for cheapskate campers. They can hold onto their cash by parking up in the dingy corner of a car park on the edge of town. These people flock together in such places where they can exchange tips on camping for free. Of course they’re not unsightly, not like those scruffy young Freedom Campers.

The Homeless

There’s a housing shortage in New Zealand. High prices, relentless immigration and a house building rate that’s not fast enough to keep up with demand, leaves many Kiwis unable to find or afford a house. Some of these will hit the road.

There are also those who are temporarily homeless due to short-term crisis such as marriage break-up. These people are likely to be found sleeping in their cars and can fall straight into the legislation trap. Not many people have a car that complies with the requirements of the Freedom Camping Act (i.e. a mobile toilet). So these folk become Freedom Campers in effect and risk a $200 fine for being homeless in possession of a car.

So where can Freedom Campers hole up for the night? To be continued …